10. We Can Be Heroes: 12 People Over 50 Changing The HIV Epidemic

When I first starting speaking publicly about PrEP on November 8, 2012, I knew I had an opportunity to help people understand a new way to prevent HIV and enjoy sex without fear.  What I didn’t know was that it going to lead to meeting hundreds of inspiring activists, innovative educators, and compassionate leaders who have dedicated their entire careers to helping their communities lead happier and healthier lives.  Although I have been moved by so many of these individuals, there are twelve in particular whom I consider trusted friends not only because of their commitment to their service, but because of how they fully show up in their Work and jobs, year after year, with passion, purpose, and play. I have turned to all of these individuals for guidance and counsel at times during the past decade, and each and every one has been compassionate, wise, and generous with their wisdom and time.  As my own milestone gets closer, these folks (in alphabetical order) all show me paths to embrace life past age fifty while simultaneously fighting the HIV epidemic in unique and original ways: 
   

Tez Anderson:  When Tez was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in 1983, the 26-year-old had no reason to think he’d live to see thirty.  But Tez fought back with meditation, humor, and a tendency to just be damned stubborn.  When he saw that service organizations were ignorant and oblivious to the needs of older long-term survivors, he took upon himself to start his own group called, “Let’s Kick ASS (Aids Survivor Symptoms)” so people around the word could be understood and validated.  His personal pilgrimage toward helping people living with HIV feel counted, heard, respected, and relevant is unrivaled in the HIV epidemic so far.  Now 61-years-old Tez says,  “The key to getting through it is being grateful, humble and happy, and those are not impossible things to do even in the worst of times. Aging is a privilege."
  

Dazon Diallo:  When Dazon came to realize that there were no service delivery system available for women living in the South throughout the 1980s, she left the traditional systems to start her own organization Sister Love.  Through her concentrated efforts the CDC began to count women in their HIV/AIDS statistics, and were subsequently able to distribute more funds to organizations that prioritized the medical and social needs of Black women living with HIV.  I have been humbled to share a stage with Dazon a few times and simply mesmorized by her passion, enthusiasm, commitment to serving, and damn funny sense of humor.  And on top of all this, she still manages to host her weekly radio show Sisters' Time/WomenSpeak on WRFG 89.3FM Atlanta.  She has been so very generous to me with her time, information, and friendship.  “What I’m clear about is that it will be the women who will close the door on this epidemic. Because once women own it we change things and when we change things we change things for everybody.”
  

Phil Joffe:  When Phil reached out to me in 2014 with the idea of helping all around the world access PrEP generics at reasonable prices, I thought “sure, why not.”  I wasn’t sure what to make of him.  I had already learned that any one in life can have a good idea, not everyone can see it through.  I came to soon learn that Phil not only can think outside of traditional limitations, but has the know-how and resilience to put plans into action.  He was soon operating an international pharmacy called Dynamix that would get PrEP in the hands of nearly 100,000 people around the globe at reasonable prices.  On a personal note, Phil has been a trusted friend, incredible travel companion, and supported me through many aggravating moments administering PrEP Facts.  At the heart of all this is a man who deeply cares about helping others, supporting his global community, giving people healthier ways to laugh, connect, celebrate, and have great sex.  He doesn’t like the limelight as much as others (okay, as much as me) but his innovative work deserves recognition and distinction.  

 

Charles King:  If you Google “modern day saint” you’ll see pictures of Mother Teresa and various religious imagery. But if you ask any of the 30,000 clients who have been helped by Housing Works, or any of the dozens of families whose funeral services he has provided over during the COVID19 pandemic, then you would likely see a picture of Charles King.  What makes Charles a living deity in my story isn’t just his tireless devotion to fighting HIV and homelessness in NYC for over 30 years;  it isn’t just how he has served the spiritual needs of the families he loves so much;  it isn’t just what a great friend and listener he has been to me or how much great advice he has given me when I’ve turned to him for help.  It’s all this plus the man is still throwing himself in front of protest lines, getting arrested when fighting for affordable healthcare, homeless rights, greater funding for HIV services.  At a time in life when many slow down, Charles appears to be just gaining speed as he continues to act up and fight back for the rights of people to live with dignity, safety, and community.  

Mark S. King:  My first experience appearing on Huffington Post Live had gone so well in 2012, I couldn’t wait to do it again when invited back in 2013.  Unfortunately, this time I was saddled with an arrogant host who played up every catastrophic trope imaginable about PrEP.  Fortunately, I bonded with another guest on the show named Mark S. King whom I watched navigate the same microaggressions with poise, confidence, and much sardonic humor.  I had already been familiar with Mark, and his feet, from the Poz Magazine cover that sat in the lobby of the office where I was doing education and screening for HIV vaccine trials.  Once we talked face to face I could see how this incredible man had used his brilliant brain and superlative writing skills to help others for well over three decades (now four!).  Mark is authentic, insightful, and knows how to grab a headline on “My Fabulous Disease” with timeless classics such as “Your Mother Liked It Bareback";  "Suicide: A Love Story";  "Barebacking is Dead. Long Live Barebacking"; and "Revisiting My Sad and Trivial Night with Rock Hudson."  When Mark critiques you he doesn’t do it from a place of nastiness of cruelty, he does so because he knows you can do better, he knows the world deserves better.  I often look to Mark’s example to remind me how one can show up for years and years with humility, humor, insight, and loving curiosity.  And great feet.  

Jeffrey Kwong:  I first had the opportunity to sit on a PrEP panel with Jeffrey in early 2014 and was immediately impressed.  It was rare at that time for any healthcare prescribers to understand PrEP well enough to teach it.  It was even more rare to meet someone who could fully grasp the emotional relevance of PrEP — how it not only prevents HIV but also offers an opportunity to psychologically heal from emotional wounds from the AIDS crisis.  I believe I remarked on this at one point to which he replied, “Well, I’m a Nurse.”  What I came to understand is that Jeffrey and many of his colleagues at Association of Nurses in AIDS Care (ANAC) are seeking to actively create a world where people have access to medical services that (1) Respect the dignity of every consumer; (2) Informs people of their medical options and then honors their choices; (3) Considers the human being’s mental and spiritual wellness in tandem with their medical health; (4) Actively fight against systemic injustice and social stigma that can compromise one’s ability to thrive.  I continue to grow and learn from Jeffrey as my own primary healthcare provider who is helping me find ways I can embrace healthy aging and fun in the roaring 50s ahead.   
  

Raphael Landovitz:  I first met Raphy in 2014 and was immediately impressed how curious and caring this UCLA doctor was about the barriers keeping people from using PrEP.  As one of the first group of doctors in the U.S. to recommend PrEP to their patients, Raphy has helped hundreds of other medical professionals understand the medical and psychological value of using PrEP in their practice.  He has such a generously warm and caring demeanor that you hardly even realize when he has summarily dismissed your ignorance and hypocisy in the same sentence.  He recently led the PrEP clinical trials pointing to the overwhelming efficacy of an injectable shot that prevents HIV, knowing that people will adhere more consistently when they are given options for how to be in control of their own bodies.   He has always been patient with me when answering my questions about HIV news, scientific interventions, and questions from my community and clients about STI symptoms.  We are lucky in this field to have a practitioner and research who does so much to educate colleagues, respect clients, empower the masses. 

 

David Malebranche:  I tease David about seeing his face every time I get my butt swabbed.  His excellent “Ask the HIV Doctor” series is prominently featured in STI clinics around the U.S., and allow people to watch him while averting eye contact with each other in waiting areas.  But David’s legacy stands for so much more.  He has spent the past 25 years helping same gender loving Black men get access to facts and information to help them live life with empowerment, dignity, and fun.  He doesn’t ever back away from an opportunity to help other doctors learn how they inadvertently place barriers to services and perpetuate racial inequities in their medical practices.  I was so humbled to introduce him on a panel at the International AIDS Society Conference in Mexico City in 2019, and felt the thunderous applause coming from the audience after he spoke about implicit bias in PrEP implementation.  He is one of those rare doctors who is also a humble human being, generous with his time and friendship, abundant with his wisdom.  I’m glad to know and see him as a force of energy that I admire and seek to emulate.  In his own words,  “The most important activism you’re going to do is for yourself. Speak out. Get the sexual health you deserve. Be empowered. Be strong. Be fierce. Because even if the world tells you the opposite, you’re worth it.” 

    

Amy Raspatello:  I will go on the record to say that Planned Parenthood would not be offering PrEP as widely today had it not been for Amy’s dedication and commitment (fight me, go ahead!).  When she learned about PrEP in late 2013, her immediate reaction was shock that this FDA approved regimen was not widely known and utilized.  Instead of complaining she went about creatively change in all facets of her personal and professional life.  She fought hard to implement access in her day job in New Jersey and then joined my global PrEP Facts moderator team at night.  She has enhanced and contributed to the international group by consistently demonstrating compassion, intelligence, curiosity, and a wicked sense of humor.  Her volunteer work at New Alternatives also illuminates her dedication to helping GLBTQ youth have a better life (and several incredible home cooked meals every year).  She has been a personal friend and deeply important source of comfort and support for me during these turbulent times.  She has allowed me to complain and vent at 2am in my "Kingdom One” moments more times that I can remember.   I have no idea how she manages to balance caring for me, the dozens of others who turn to her for advice and wisdom, plus remain a loving wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, aunt.  But Amy shows me every day what it looks like to take on new challenges later in life with heart, humor, stubborn determination, and kick-ass Viking energy.  

 

  

Bruce Richman:  The first thing I remember about meeting Bruce in Williamsburg in 2015 was, “this man has dreamy eyes.”  The next thing I remember was, “Why is he banging on the table?”   But it’s that combination of charm, magnetism, firm messaging, abundant passion, and sheer stubbornness, that has carried Bruce’s “U=U” message around the world.  Although I had worked and volunteered in HIV service organizations and medical clinics for the better part of twenty years, I had never been told that someone living with HIV who is virally suppressed cannot sexually transmit HIV to another person.  I had always been told there was “some risk” or “a little risk” or “3% chance” that HIV can be spread when someone had an undetectable viral load.  Bruce cleared that up for me real fast (hence the table banging) by showing me the science, facts, and evidence that clearly showed that “U=U.” In the ensuing six years, Bruce created the Prevention Access Campaign, which shares facts, sciences, data, and resources to people in over 40 different languages.  I been incredibly blessed to work and travel with Bruce on three different continents, helping to educate and inspire others to learn about the beautiful possibilities of putting U=U and PrEP together.  I have missed Bruce’s energy and passion greatly during the COVID pandemic and eagerly look forward to seeing that man yell and rant and lovingly educate international audiences about science and sex again very very soon.  In his own words, “HIV stigma is a public health crisis, and yet many people in positions of power are still sitting on their hands, overstating risk and not sharing this life changing information! We will not let people lie about us!”  

Charles Sanchez:  How many musicals about HIV positive men navigating love and ice cream in New York City have YOU watched lately?  I thought so.  This is because no one can fully meet and match the creative, imaginative and slightly deranged vision of Charles Sanchez.  His award winning web show Merce The Series dares to go where no other features have gone before: from serodiscordant romances, to HIV-related diarrhea, to long-standing mama drama, to hip replacement surgery, Charles ingeniously creates memorable stories and music to help viewers think, feel, and learn.  His passion for entertainment is what drove him to NYC in the late 1980s, and deal with decades of hardships as a struggling actor.  He eventually turned his talents to writing for The Body and creating a musical about a man living with HIV “who is not sad, sick, or dying.”  In real life Charles is one of the sweetest New Yorkers you’ll ever meet, the kind who says hello for no reason and sends cards in the mail!  I love watching Charles produce inventive stories and share his rare vision with the world.  Because at the end of the day don't we all deserve a pineapple samba? 

Krishna Stone:  When Krishna was honored at the Apollo Theater on World AIDS Day in 2014, it wasn't just for her two decades of devotion to Gay Men's Health Crisis (GMHC).  It was because Ms. Stone is the very embodiment of intelligent communication, sincere compassion, resolved commitment, and perfected eloquence.  There is no one who rivals her intense devotion and ethereal contributions to  HIV education, organizational coalesce, and human rights.  Between her standing-room-only "PrEP rallies" at GMHC, to her outspoken public comments on ending health disparities, she is the model of poise, resililience, and dynamism, and seriously amazing dancing.  I first met Krishna in early 2014 and immediately realized, “This woman has a glow!”  What I didn’t know was how she had spent the previous two decades exemplifying both her “Work” and her “job.”  Her jobs at GMHC (now for 28 years) have included coordinating volunteer outreach, recruitment, event planning, community engagement, communication skills, and more.  Her “Work” has been how she has infused her abiding skill of raising people’s spirits, improving their mood, ascending their humanity, literally and spiritually getting people to dance.  It is for this and many other reasons she was acknowledged on World AIDS Day in 2014 at The Apollo Theater, has been honored by Gay Officers Action League, and served as the NYC Grand Marshal of the the LGBTQ Pride Parade in 2017.  Her humble respect for tragedy and triumph, and persistently non-judgmental outlook, makes her a trusted confidante for me, many others, and a needed beacon of Light in post-COVID New York City.  

Seriously it was hard to limit this list to only twelve.  But as I write my 50 Lessons of 50, and reflect on my own life's Work and purpose, I could not skip over the warriors and the role models who continue to bring so much abundant Light, energy, and joy to my life, and the thousands and thousands of others whom they have touched over their astounding careers.

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist helping individuals and couples enjoy life with peace, purpose, and pleasure. His books "Absolutely Should-less" and "Rational Relating" help people experience connection with joy, serenity, and meaning. His work has been featured on CNN Health, The New York Times, MSNBC, USA Today and more. He can be reached at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com or 347-227-7707